There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
