zippers are such a cool invention
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
