I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
