i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
