2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
