had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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