I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
