so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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