I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
