i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
