I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
