The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
