Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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