Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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