I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
