I faked an abortion last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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