If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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