I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
