And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
