just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
