Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
