You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize