so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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