somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
