yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize