I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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