420 ftw
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
