But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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