You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize