i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
