ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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