sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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