I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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