is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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