That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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