At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i would one night stand the shit outta him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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