That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
