it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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