This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
