I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she smelled like a LAN party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize