if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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