see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
