What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
