I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize