Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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