He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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