you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
