man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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