made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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