Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
