very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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