You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
