i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
