their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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