So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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