I need help removing her.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
