I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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