I wish I could teleport
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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