Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My liver just had a heart attack.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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