Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what day is it and did you see me today?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize