just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
