Porn is love you can see.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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