Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
