dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize