it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
