Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
