i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
