Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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