i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize