ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
