just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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