but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
