are you still at the devil's house?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
