I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
