It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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