a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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