He is an equal opportunity slut.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize