We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
