That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
