I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
