well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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