I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
