I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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