It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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