I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize