I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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