I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
