I'm so fucking centered right now
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
not ubering you a puppy
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