i think my tv is drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
