I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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