Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
