i need an iv and a liver transplant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
