There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
