We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize