census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
