Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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