Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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