After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
